Texts from last night...

Or this afternoon

This was the first text I got after I got off of work.

"I'm pregnant again. I'm peeing right now and watching an ant crawl out of the vent. I'm gonna follow him after I pee"

Pregnancy, ants, same diff. right?

Hello, my name is Aubree

and I am a shopaholic.

Today I deposited my handy-dandy paycheck into the bank. I got gas, drove all the way home, payed my bills, poured myself a cup of coffee, all while saying "I don't need that adorable yellow skirt I saw at Forever 21 yesterday" it was my mantra. I sat down with my cup of coffee, opened up my computer, then thought "Hmm...well I'll just look at it online". Sure enough, all I had to do was see the adorable skirt and immediately I wanted it again. No sooner than you could've said "charge it up" was I out the door on my way to snatch up that adorable skirt.

And adorable it is. I was right. (pictures to come, as I intend on wearing it to church tomorrow)

Anyway, while I was at the mall, I witnessed some interesting things. First of all, I saw two young girls, maybe about 12 or 13 years old at Forever 21 in the check out in front me. One was wearing colored skinny jeans and the other was wearing black and leopard print leggings. Both were wearing band t-shirts, and both were wearing way too much eye make up, as well as the fact that someone needed to introduce them to a hair dryer and round brush. One had unsightly short shorts in her hand, and I thought to myself "Aww, hunny, those are not flattering on the majority of women. Come, learn from me grasshopper." Then, something horrible happened. The one with leopard print yoga pants pulled something out of her Target purse...it...was...a....

COACH CLUTCH.

What the heck? What kind of twelve year old has a coach clutch? She doesn't need that. And it was a super cute one too. Let's add this up, band t-shirt + leopard print and black yoga pants + obnoxiously over-colored boys skate shoes + bad hair DOES NOT EQUAL COACH FRICKING BAG.

When I got home from the mall I put on all black, sprinkled ashes on my head, and will not come out of mourning for a week.

If you have an urgent message or something to give me, please contact my agent. Her name is Mom.

Unseen style...

I've been reading a lot of fashion blogs lately. I go to bed at night pairing together items from my closet in my head, trying to decide what looks good and what doesn't. A lot of the fashion blogs I've read have a ton of items that have been thrifted. I have never had that much luck in thrift stores. I always feel like they are dirty and smell weird. However, looking at all these adorable vintage items, I may give it a whirl once again. So although I love Goodwill, I'm on the lookout for some smaller thrift shops where people might snatch the cute stuff up as easily. SO, any suggestions for thrift stores, Chicagoland?

Today at community college...

Today I learned some very interesting things about other religions.

I learned that Hindu people are pretty obsessed with fertility and all that fun stuff, and that certain members of their deity families probably should call a doctor ASAP, because they have a permanent, obvious problem, if you catch my drift.

I learned that deities in other religions are immature, emotional little brats who stomp around the world carrying their dead wives on their shoulders, basically destroying the earth.

Finally, I learned that God, the God of Moses, Jacob, Isaac, God the Father, God the Almighty Creator, the One, and the I Am, the God that I worship, has a hand in all things, and is stirring the hearts of His creation, even when they are entirely unaware.

Maybe there are more people in the world who are only a question, a conversation, or a hug away from finding life in the love of the only God than we think.

Today at the YMCA

1. In the middle of story time, my little name calling friend rawr'd, loudly. When he was reprimanded he said, "I'm...a dinosaur?" how can you put that in time out?
2. Two girls played doctor...

What is the world coming to?

In other news, we've now discovered that the weather is a Bulls fan, due to the outrageous way it has been conducting itself. Either that, or a menopausal woman who forgot to take her hormone replacements.

#conspiracy

Oh sorry, I forgot I'm not tweeting.

Did you hear that the reason why Oprah is quitting her show is because she's actually the anti-Christ? Yeah, and she's just trying to calm down the rumors, fooling people into thinking she's going off the radar. The truth is, it's a temporary radar absence, because she's actually going to run for president...she'll be kind of like that thing in sports when a team gets into the finals at the last minute? Um..a wild card. Then, she'll grow 3 heads and take over the world.

Oh wait...didn't she already do that? Well, I guess she's ahead of the game, right?

Yeah. It's all totally true. Ask Harold Camping. He's got a math equation to prove it.

URGENT MESSAGE!!!

My Zombies (AKA, the YMCA Preschool kids) have morphed into a rare hybrid!!! Today as I wandered onto the playground, I was greeted by my little Zombie army, to which I was informed, have GROWN TENTACLES. It's true. The Zombiepocalypse is just around the corner, soon my little zombies will be fully matured, to which they will be able to infect the world. I will be their queen, over throw entire nations and RULE THE WORLD.

Ackem, sorry. I got a little carried away there.

WOW I am blog happy!

But I'm irritated and my whole family is asleep so I can't complain to them.

I just found out that one of my favorite blogs, Better Off Wed which is hilarious and awesome and down to earth has a like a sister blog type thing called frickin "Kendi Everyday" or whatever by the same girl. So I clicked on it, thinking "OMG OMG OMG MORE FUNNYNESS", and all it is is her in a bunch of little outfits or whatever looking all cute and skinny with her frickin long beautiful dark hair.

So here I am thinking, "wow! Here's a girl like me who can't afford to shop anywhere from Goodwill and only has her blog to make herself feel cool and trendy", uh, nooo, that is not true at all. This girl walks around sporting BANANA REPUBLIC and FRANCESCA's and CALVIN KLEIN, all CLAIMING that she bought them at Nordstrom Rack. Whatever girl. Now in order to keep up with you, I have to wear 4 inch Madden Girl heels with my TargetjeansbuttheysortoflooklikeGapjeans and J Crew Bridesmaids dress all the freaking time. Screw you.

Ok, can I get paid now because I mentioned those things?? Oh...no one reads my blog...I'm not trendy...shoot

P.S. KENDI I'M SO SORRY FOR DISSING YOU AND YOUR BLOG. I LOVE YOU. PLEASE TAKE ME BACK. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE COOL WITHOUT YOU AND EMILY FROM Cupcakes and Cashmere!!!!

Edit: I revoke my post. You buy junk from Target, too. Don't you just love the little dollar section?

Oh yeah...

And I thought I should mention that since Harold Camping has announced he "miscalculated" or whatever that means, and the real rapture date is actually October 21st, my hopes for mass nakedness and Kirk Cameron have been revived. I feel like it might be somewhat inappropriate to say "my hopes for mass nakedness with Kirk Cameron have been revived", so I didn't. That's because I'm a good Christian.

I hope no one is offended by my post. I apologize in advance if you are. I really don't want to get naked with Kirk Cameron.

I shouldn't watch the news anymore.

Did anyone else find this somewhat funny...?

Here's the awesome thing about MY blog. I can say ANYTHING I want to because it's MINE



Epic fail of the day: it's a tie between watching two kids stand up, freak out, then run face first into each other, and this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RGeZTMMw9U

P.S. HEY SECRET SERVICE!!! REMEMBER WHEN YOU CAME TO JUDSON!!! WE BASICALLY ATE TOGETHER IN THE CAF...BASICALLY...AS IN I SAW YOU WHILE I WAS EATING MY LUNCH IN THE CAF...FOR A BRIEF MOMENT. OMG BESTIES.

P.P.S. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with Ireland, Obama, and the S.S. today.

Top five reasons why I wish the rapture would've happened.

1. Two words. Kirk. Cameron.
2. Mass nakedness. Everywhere. I don't know about you, but I'm the happiest when I am the most naked.
3. I don't know a whole lot about the rapture, but I do know that there will be trumpets. Trumpets = ska, therefore, there will be ska in heaven.
4. I'm scheduled to work on Monday. Suck.
5. I have somewhere between 6-10 loads of laundry waiting to be done...

Happy (false) Judgment Day People!!!!

Today I got called something vile...

I work at the YMCA in the summer time. I am a summer camp counselor for 40 screaming, smelly, annoying, yet strangely adorable children. I love it a lot and people think I'm crazy for it. I think it's probably because the only way you can describe my personality is by saying I'm like a screaming, smelly, annoying, yet strangely adorable Kindergartner. ANYWHO, Judson let's classes out about 3 whole weeks before other schools do. Our last day of school this year was April 29th. Ridiculous, right? So, since I like money and stuff I called my boss and asked if she had any work for me during May before summer camp starts. Yes, she replied, in Bright Beginnings, which is the preschool program the YMCA runs. This should have been my first sign to run for my life. All they do is cry. Don't get me wrong, they're cute and all, but seriously. I'm at the point now where unless they have a limb hanging off at the bone, I pat them on the head and send them off to play again.

The other really fun thing about being in Bright Beginnings for a month is that you get called a wonderful array of names. Anywhere from "Poopie Head" to "Mean teacher!", I get harassed. Today however, today I was called something that definitely takes the cake.

I told a kid he had to stop hogging the playground "motorcycle" (it's actually a horsey toy type thing). He crossed his arms and started to walk away. Then he turned around and called me a "little penis"

I've been called a lot of things, but not that. Win.

What I've learned this summer thus far...

I love to eat, but unfortunately food does not love me as much as I love it. Here's some ways that I've been shedding the pounds (I've lost a couple of pounds already!) since summer began...

1. Eat more color. I've been adding fun things to my diet like fun fruits and salads.
2. Eat more FIBER. It fills you up and satisfies your tummy. I like to add black beans to salads and pastas. Also remember that while fruit has lots of yummy fiber in it, when you peel the fruit with edible skin, you loose almost all of the fiber in the fruit. EAT the skin. Hummus and other bean dips have fiber, too.
3. Instead of crackers or chips, I buy Kashi's granola (in whatever flavor I feel like at the time), stick it in a baggy, and tote it along with me.
4. I traded in my four wheels for two this summer. I rarely drive, maybe once or twice a week, and ride my bike to work every day. While it's a nice little trek (10 miles round trip) there and back, I ride on the nature trails and enjoy the scenery. People at work still think I'm a little crazy, but I love it. I've only filled my tank once since coming home from break (beat that!) and getting in a little extra exercise along with my runs. It also stops me from making quick "stops" at fast food joints to pick up a burrito or ice cream sundae before work. This trick is a nice relief to my pocket book, as well.

Happy Summer (kind of...)!!

Pop-tarts, minus the cardboard junky feel

So one of my favorite blogs, cupcakes and cashmere posted a yummy recipe to try some home made pop-tarts. It was cooling off here in Chicagoland after a few happy hot summer days, so I decided to give it a whirl for a yummy Saturday night treat. They turned out great! I made the cinnamon sugar variety and it was actually pretty simple. Here's a picture:



Here's the site where she got the recipe:

Homemade Pop-tarts